Published May 17, 2010
You started of a Goddess
Golden eyes on gilded throne
Both everything I ever wanted
and everything I ever had
You started of a Goddess
And finished of as tarnished crown
But in that crown
I'm sure resides
A ruby red
Not tarnished brown.
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Ehh kinda short yet grand poem nevertheless.
Where length has fallen short you make up in your rhymes they flow natural and true.\
Great work on this piece and keep writing and ill keep reading!
-Dawn
Hiya I'm dogs as you could guess at your service!
Okey dokey like the post above me i think you should take out the "of" and just leave it as a simily with the "as". It would flow better. Also what is the point that you are trying to get across here. Your a little too vague and need a little more info in here so the reader can understand whats really going on here. Well this sure sounds nice but does it make sence? to me I dont understand what you mean by that.Okay for starters...
Also PUNCTUATION IS HUGE!!!! Periods opposed to commas opposed to nothing make a big impact on how the reader reads the piece. dont put nothing at the end of each line I would suggest.
This needs a little more expansion but apart from that its a very nice poem so keep writing!
Okay, this is... interesting. It shows a lot of promise, but you need to edit and expand.
Of? Of a goddess? What does 'of' mean? Do you mean 'as'? You say this several times.
I honestly have no idea what this means. Again, do you mean 'as' instead of 'of'?
You put a period at the end of this phrase, but nowhere else. Keep them consistent. Either use them every line or none.
Also, your rhyming is off. Some parts rhyme, others don't. Keep that consistent.
Overall, this poem shows promise, but needs work. Keep writing!
-Dreamy
This poem is short. Add more details. I am not exactly sure what is going on so I can't help more.
A. S.